I always complain about others whenever they do or say things without even putting second thoughts into it and consider how others would feel about their remarks, and yet here I am... Being told off in the face that I am just like those people that I despise. *sigh* Looks like it sure is time for me to self-reflect about my words and actions towards others, find out how many people were my 'victim' for my cruel words...
Finding out about this is NOT the only thing that made me upset and disappointed, but rather it was the person who told me about it that really made it more difficult for me to accept this. The person whom I was near and dear to, one I would never expect to hear such comment from... had finally spilled out the truth to me. *double sigh*
As I was quietly reflecting back on my actions and my life, I realised that I truly missed those moments in the past... Here are the few stuff that I missed terribly:
Missed being able to come home to a house with food on the table and neatly ironed & folded clothes on my bed
Missed the feeling of being loved and pampered, being surprised with little notes and gifts
Missed the times where I laughed so hard with my friends until I couldn't breathe
Missed sailing paper boats in the drain with my brothers whenever it rains
Missed being able to do whatever I please in my room (singing and dancing especially)
Missed being able to sing without being complained for being too noisy and / or sounding terrible
Missed hanging out with my friends at the malls
Missed those sleepovers I had with my 3 girlfriends in Bara
Missed those times where I could just pick up the phone and call my close friends whenever I am feeling down or when I needed someone to talk to
Missed receiving roses and smelling them
Missed being able to cook and to bake whatever I please without being complained of my careless mistakes
Missed being able to play on the electone and whenever I am sad / unhappy / angry to express my emotion
Missed being able to cry whenever I am sad / angry without worrying about what others have got to say about me being so emotional
Missed those moments I shared with my loved ones
Missed being able to read a whole story book within a week without worrying about work
Missed complaining about being bored
Missed taekwondo sessions and those after school activities
Missed having parties to attend, or be around friends that I actually know
Missed being able to come home and tell my mom / that special someone on how my day went... AND actually get a positive response from it
Missed having someone to care for me whenever I am hurt / sick
The list just goes on, and sadly... I have to stop here once again because my assignment is calling out for me...
I need to be strong... I need to be mentally and emotionally strong... I can't afford to cry at every little thing, can't afford to cry whenever there's any minor fights / arguements... I need to learn to be like my dad and to be less emotional and be more hard hearted, so that my emotions will not cloud my judgement...
Crying is one of my biggest weakness, and I still have difficulty controlling it. I can usually control my tears when I am in front of people that I am not too close with, but whenever I am at home, or with people that I am close with, I find it more difficult to control my tears and stop it from flowing. I know it is irritating for others when they have to face someone who cries ever so easily at every little issue, and I am trying... I am trying!
*sigh*
"Reflection"
Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I
Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be
Free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I
Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be
Free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
That's all for now... Signing out...
*~*~*Sue*~*~*
1 comment:
Be strong Shu Lin, you used to be, and you always will be. Don't give up whenever you've hit a brick wall, don't turn around and walk away from problems. Face them, solve them, destroy them. Each time you fall down, rise up again, and you will be a better and stronger person as you were before. Learn from your mistakes and never make them again. I have faith in you, you can do it!
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